Imber Luminis Nausea 1. Starting with the End Something must have changed, my hands tremble from malady Insipid voices nescient of their own futility My chest heaves from the burden, their lack of reality Do they see beyond their own convenience (that) the world is empty? Some of these days - There are no perfect moments I feel so lonely - Nothing more than a milestone Some of these days - Nothing will happen I feel so lonely - Starting with the end Sojourning onward memories of places I have been My heart never leapt left in a nauseous state I now descend Events transpired experiences happened Did I have no will to conquer those days did I pretend Depressive and alone existing among those distracted One working tirelessly with his hands over his mouth cupped Two talking excitedly, about friends and past hearts engaged Another reading silently, by the window shaking his legs Some of these days Some of these days - There are no perfect moments I feel so lonely - Nothing more than a milestone Some of these days - Nothing will happen I feel so lonely - Starting with the end 2. The "I" Has Faded I can't recall a single blissful moment this life has ever brought me It's nauseating me in every fucking way This stench of existence, any moment of solace, of apathy, or numbness that I find Is immediately raped by storms of abhorrence, by tumultuous disgust Every uttered word, every laugh or sigh, every grieve, every cry Every dream or hope; every sign of life sickens me, fucking sickens me 3. Introspection Enamoured with trascendence of hypocritic oaths or solvence Determined in iniquity or liberty to create or to destroy in splendour Alas with beginnings, a certainty of cesation is needed Abrupt and frivolous of mere contingency, detached of existence In chaotic reversed chaosphere, affliction in benevolence Or pure nihilism or perhaps misanthropy as the obscuring avalanche Of 'mented thoughts, at the gate of the mind, conjured by the mind Seemingless authority or lack of comprehesion in need Or timeless values or pure birth, and death 4. Mensch - Stern - Asche Monotonen klopfen dringt in den schlaf Der rest leben kehrt zurück Beginnt sick den körper gefügig zu machen. Der blick streift sinnsuchend umher, doch Bett, fenster und wand - Haben keine bedeutung mehr. Beine laufen autark den flur hinunter Raus Gedanken - Diese balken stützend - Ruinös Schwindend im sog... welcher wahrnehmung? Ein baum verspricht der sonne nicht zu zögern Entkleidet - Nackt - Brach Legt nich nieder. Der schwarm vögel seiner krone unter kaltem laub. Ich atme mit den händen - Mein zittern im wind Alle wege kreuzen sich in mir. Wer bin ich? Getragen vom handeln. Der mund spricht wort rückwärts Füllt die lungen mit gegenwehr. Was bin ich? mensch, stern, asche? 5. We Are Not Free We are not free, our ideas make sure of that. Bright lights aid the demise. Heavy and painful like shame. We are not free. Unbearable prisons of our minds. Nauseating. Incapable of self assurance. Weary and sullen the soul rots. We are not free. Like a poisonous apple inside the throat. Destined to destroy that which it should nurture. Monotonous misery and suffering. We are not free. Tricks played on the mind to forget this, only to crush any remaining sanity. Searching for meaning where there is has been long lost. We are not free. Intolerable thoughts in a frozen mind. Cannot escape them. False accounts of existentialism drive darkness forward. We are not free. Self contempt is projected by pitiless judgement. Pale insinuation isn't reasonable. Admitting belief is just a self deception. We are not free. The lamentable eyes are poor mirror to the soul, Gettin caught in is abhorent and odius for the mind. 6. The Withering and the Wake I stood atop the precipice of sleep with my hands soaked deep In yearning for the restless moon, awaiting the angeless clouds To prune these afflictions Why does it cripple me, this terror? When it is all a part of the ungrand design Like trees we bloom and then we wilt to bloom again in thoughtless rain My primer of sense and of folly deconstructs before my eyes The guise unveiled, it crumbles into a million splinters of charmless absurdity This imperceptible agony Why does it cripple me, this terror? When it is all a part of the ungrand design Like trees we bloom and then we wilt to bloom again in thoughtless rain My primer of sense and of folly Why does it cripple me, this terror? The guise unveiled, it crumbles Into a million splinters of charmless absurdity This imperceptible agony 7. Meaninglessness I run, I hunt through my being, searching (for) my place in this world The stars formed dust into life - Not fate, not fortune, not God, I am, because in the second of my birth, no other called for life So I tear, as long as the nausea spares my existence in the dust of stars I want to dream as long as I can, never want to wake up Finally, with the kiss of reality, I ask for my being again and again And no dream of this world will bear this answer for me So I dream as long as the doubt spares my life And I dance, yes I dance at the catwalk of unimportance, wasting my life Searching for faith and hope - It does not change anything My truth is meaninglessness, the truth of mankind I call nausea - And vice versa But I never try to destroy myself: I am too small for that So reality vomits into my heart every day In every breath moans the question about the meaning And I am looking for you to end this farce forever But you'll never find me, cause I'm too small Und so erbricht sich die wirklichkeit jeden tag in meine brust In jedem atemzug stöhnen fragen nach dem sinn Ich suche dich... um diese farce für alle zeit zu beenden Doch du wirst mich niemals finden, ich bin zu klein Searching for faith and hope It does not change anything 8. Migraine La perte de foi, le manque de moi L'ensemble des pensées ternes Qui s'éternisen et s'embrasent Danse avec le feu le plus scintillant Et ma tète va exploser, le battement de mes tempes m'achève Dans ces méandres trop remplies, je bave, je meurs, je sèche ma sève Avec l'envie de crever, et la haine par-dessus tout Vivre avec son contraire de donner, de me dénuder de tout "J'étais là, immobile et glacé, plongé dans une extase horrible. Mais, au sein mème de cette extase quelque chose de neuf venait d'apparaître; je comprenais la nausée, je la possédais." Et mon corps va imploser, cette nausée omniprésente me rend fou Trop de questions, pas de réponses, juste des sentiments trop flous Et c'ents dans mes dernières phrases, peu importe toutes les fleurs Que je m'en suis rendu compte, et cela m'a crevé le coeur. Et c'est dans mes dernières phrases Peu importe toutes les fleurs Que je m'en suis rendu compte Et cela m'a crevé le coeur 9. Nothing Matters The cold wind blows in this quite slow night I can't remember the hours we spent off the light Our breath drawn a thick smoke, staring in empty eyes I could even hear the sickness you've hidden, all the cries (I heard you) Despite your silence and grief (I heard you) Despite your stupid beliefs (I heard you) Come with me again and let's die tonight (I heard you) There is nothing for us in this light Searching for faith and hope, you know it doesn't change anything. You're crawling in a cave in your mind, digging hard until your fingers are bleeding, and you keep on, and either it's endless, either it stops, but in both ways there is no way back up there, and the light above scares you, you forgot it, it blinds you, hurts you, and you keep digging, no matter the pain, because nothing matters, only this darkness, only this envy to lose control and see how much you can take in, staying miserable, hurt, down to a pathetic shell, but you feel alive. Never felt so good today. (Have you ever felt so alive) No one would hear your pain (Have you ever walked your crossroads) Cause you are dead inside (Have you ever felt so alive) I can't bring you back to life (Have you ever wanted to die) And I know I will carry the blame No one would even hear your voice, no matter how harsh you scream The voices inside my head are withdrawing me, I scream in silence I wanted to take you with me, destroy you and heal you and make you again But I cannot hear the words you speak, I can only see the pain 10. I Resign Nothing matters, we all know it. Whatever crisis of existentialism we have is a fraud. It's all about how and when we would leave this world, and we're stupid enough to believe we'd leave a trace. So nothing really matters, considering suicide is just a step forward to the inevitable end expecting us. And I have nothing left to feel joy for. Everything has just been empty since the beginning. And whatever happens, we stand proud, for what we are Nevertheless, we fight, for an unfair moment of life I can't stand that my words are empty, whatever I scream I resign, don't want to be Delete my mind so I can change Remove my thoughts so I can stay Gimme the gun so I could change Gimme the gun so I could stay And there is this constant nausea, all around me And I understand it, I possess it And it destroyed my heart