Imber Luminis
Nausea
1. Starting with the End
Something must have changed, my hands tremble from malady
Insipid voices nescient of their own futility
My chest heaves from the burden, their lack of reality
Do they see beyond their own convenience (that) the world is empty?
Some of these days - There are no perfect moments
I feel so lonely - Nothing more than a milestone
Some of these days - Nothing will happen
I feel so lonely - Starting with the end
Sojourning onward memories of places I have been
My heart never leapt left in a nauseous state I now descend
Events transpired experiences happened
Did I have no will to conquer those days did I pretend
Depressive and alone existing among those distracted
One working tirelessly with his hands over his mouth cupped
Two talking excitedly, about friends and past hearts engaged
Another reading silently, by the window shaking his legs
Some of these days
Some of these days - There are no perfect moments
I feel so lonely - Nothing more than a milestone
Some of these days - Nothing will happen
I feel so lonely - Starting with the end
2. The "I" Has Faded
I can't recall a single blissful moment this life has ever brought me
It's nauseating me in every fucking way
This stench of existence, any moment of solace, of apathy, or numbness that I find
Is immediately raped by storms of abhorrence, by tumultuous disgust
Every uttered word, every laugh or sigh, every grieve, every cry
Every dream or hope; every sign of life sickens me, fucking sickens me
3. Introspection
Enamoured with trascendence of hypocritic oaths or solvence
Determined in iniquity or liberty to create or to destroy in splendour
Alas with beginnings, a certainty of cesation is needed
Abrupt and frivolous of mere contingency, detached of existence
In chaotic reversed chaosphere, affliction in benevolence
Or pure nihilism or perhaps misanthropy as the obscuring avalanche
Of 'mented thoughts, at the gate of the mind, conjured by the mind
Seemingless authority or lack of comprehesion in need
Or timeless values or pure birth, and death
4. Mensch - Stern - Asche
Monotonen klopfen dringt in den schlaf
Der rest leben kehrt zurück
Beginnt sick den körper gefügig zu machen.
Der blick streift sinnsuchend umher, doch
Bett, fenster und wand - Haben keine bedeutung mehr.
Beine laufen autark den flur hinunter
Raus
Gedanken - Diese balken stützend - Ruinös
Schwindend im sog... welcher wahrnehmung?
Ein baum verspricht der sonne nicht zu zögern
Entkleidet - Nackt - Brach
Legt nich nieder.
Der schwarm vögel seiner krone unter kaltem laub.
Ich atme mit den händen - Mein zittern im wind
Alle wege kreuzen sich in mir.
Wer bin ich? Getragen vom handeln.
Der mund spricht wort rückwärts
Füllt die lungen mit gegenwehr.
Was bin ich? mensch, stern, asche?
5. We Are Not Free
We are not free, our ideas make sure of that. Bright lights aid the demise.
Heavy and painful like shame.
We are not free. Unbearable prisons of our minds. Nauseating.
Incapable of self assurance.
Weary and sullen the soul rots.
We are not free. Like a poisonous apple inside the throat. Destined to destroy that which it should nurture. Monotonous misery and suffering.
We are not free. Tricks played on the mind to forget this, only to crush any remaining sanity. Searching for meaning where there is has been long lost.
We are not free. Intolerable thoughts in a frozen mind.
Cannot escape them. False accounts of existentialism drive darkness forward.
We are not free. Self contempt is projected by pitiless judgement.
Pale insinuation isn't reasonable. Admitting belief is just a self deception.
We are not free. The lamentable eyes are poor mirror to the soul,
Gettin caught in is abhorent and odius for the mind.
6. The Withering and the Wake
I stood atop the precipice of sleep with my hands soaked deep
In yearning for the restless moon, awaiting the angeless clouds
To prune these afflictions
Why does it cripple me, this terror?
When it is all a part of the ungrand design
Like trees we bloom and then we wilt to bloom again in thoughtless rain
My primer of sense and of folly deconstructs before my eyes
The guise unveiled, it crumbles into a million splinters of charmless absurdity
This imperceptible agony
Why does it cripple me, this terror?
When it is all a part of the ungrand design
Like trees we bloom and then we wilt to bloom again in thoughtless rain
My primer of sense and of folly
Why does it cripple me, this terror?
The guise unveiled, it crumbles
Into a million splinters of charmless absurdity
This imperceptible agony
7. Meaninglessness
I run, I hunt through my being, searching (for) my place in this world
The stars formed dust into life - Not fate, not fortune, not God,
I am, because in the second of my birth, no other called for life
So I tear, as long as the nausea spares my existence in the dust of stars
I want to dream as long as I can, never want to wake up
Finally, with the kiss of reality, I ask for my being again and again
And no dream of this world will bear this answer for me
So I dream as long as the doubt spares my life
And I dance, yes I dance at the catwalk of unimportance, wasting my life
Searching for faith and hope - It does not change anything
My truth is meaninglessness, the truth of mankind I call nausea - And vice versa
But I never try to destroy myself: I am too small for that
So reality vomits into my heart every day
In every breath moans the question about the meaning
And I am looking for you to end this farce forever
But you'll never find me, cause I'm too small
Und so erbricht sich die wirklichkeit jeden tag in meine brust
In jedem atemzug stöhnen fragen nach dem sinn
Ich suche dich... um diese farce für alle zeit zu beenden
Doch du wirst mich niemals finden, ich bin zu klein
Searching for faith and hope
It does not change anything
8. Migraine
La perte de foi, le manque de moi
L'ensemble des pensées ternes
Qui s'éternisen et s'embrasent
Danse avec le feu le plus scintillant
Et ma tète va exploser, le battement de mes tempes m'achève
Dans ces méandres trop remplies, je bave, je meurs, je sèche ma sève
Avec l'envie de crever, et la haine par-dessus tout
Vivre avec son contraire de donner, de me dénuder de tout
"J'étais là, immobile et glacé, plongé dans une extase horrible. Mais, au sein mème de cette extase quelque chose de neuf venait d'apparaître; je comprenais la nausée, je la possédais."
Et mon corps va imploser, cette nausée omniprésente me rend fou
Trop de questions, pas de réponses, juste des sentiments trop flous
Et c'ents dans mes dernières phrases, peu importe toutes les fleurs
Que je m'en suis rendu compte, et cela m'a crevé le coeur.
Et c'est dans mes dernières phrases
Peu importe toutes les fleurs
Que je m'en suis rendu compte
Et cela m'a crevé le coeur
9. Nothing Matters
The cold wind blows in this quite slow night
I can't remember the hours we spent off the light
Our breath drawn a thick smoke, staring in empty eyes
I could even hear the sickness you've hidden, all the cries
(I heard you) Despite your silence and grief
(I heard you) Despite your stupid beliefs
(I heard you) Come with me again and let's die tonight
(I heard you) There is nothing for us in this light
Searching for faith and hope, you know it doesn't change anything. You're crawling in a cave in your mind, digging hard until your fingers are bleeding, and you keep on, and either it's endless, either it stops, but in both ways there is no way back up there, and the light above scares you, you forgot it, it blinds you, hurts you, and you keep digging, no matter the pain, because nothing matters, only this darkness, only this envy to lose control and see how much you can take in, staying miserable, hurt, down to a pathetic shell, but you feel alive. Never felt so good today.
(Have you ever felt so alive) No one would hear your pain
(Have you ever walked your crossroads) Cause you are dead inside
(Have you ever felt so alive) I can't bring you back to life
(Have you ever wanted to die) And I know I will carry the blame
No one would even hear your voice, no matter how harsh you scream
The voices inside my head are withdrawing me, I scream in silence
I wanted to take you with me, destroy you and heal you and make you again
But I cannot hear the words you speak, I can only see the pain
10. I Resign
Nothing matters, we all know it. Whatever crisis of existentialism we have is a fraud. It's all about how and when we would leave this world, and we're stupid enough to believe we'd leave a trace. So nothing really matters, considering suicide is just a step forward to the inevitable end expecting us. And I have nothing left to feel joy for. Everything has just been empty since the beginning.
And whatever happens, we stand proud, for what we are
Nevertheless, we fight, for an unfair moment of life
I can't stand that my words are empty, whatever I scream
I resign, don't want to be
Delete my mind so I can change
Remove my thoughts so I can stay
Gimme the gun so I could change
Gimme the gun so I could stay
And there is this constant nausea, all around me
And I understand it, I possess it
And it destroyed my heart
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