Pantheist
Amartia
1. Apologeia
O life, you seem to turn your back to me
Devoid of hope, where can I go?
Without divine judgement and intervention
No one can live, no one can hope
It is to You, my Lord that I turn now
I proved myself more than once
Once You've tested humanity's faith
But now, I'll test Your strength
O pain, so real so everlasting
You break my heart and crush my soul
I see no way out of this but
I chose to live and suffer thee
That's why my Lord, in Your eyes I'll commit
One by one the seven gravest sins
Until Your righteous punishment shall rid me
Of every doubt about Your existence
You can't escape the pain
Of life's suffering
But how sweet it becomes when
It has a meaning
This meaning I found
In wrath, sin and grief
How strong is my hate!
It makes me feel alive
2. Gluttony
I'm hungry for life
For pleasures to come, years to fly
Still more and more and more
I'm thirsty for loneliness
The key to my happiness
When I dive into my own world
I'm the whole universe
The solitary life I adore
It boasts my confidence
Laying at the shores of solitude
I'm the world itself
But if I'm the world
And the world is God
Where shall I find my creator?
If He made me so hungry for power over the world
Then who shall teach me to be humble?
3. Envy
I envy Thee my Lord
So many times I envisage myself
Sitting on your celestial throne
Looking at the world
Through eyes of contempt and hate
Laughing at human insignificance
Erasing their lives with a single thought
Let them destroy each other
Cut each other to pieces
Let them transform themselves into demons
And project their wickedness to Satan
My Lord, I envy Your apathy
4. Lust
How I long for the tender flesh
Of the Virgin
For the subdued look in her eyes
When she starts to suspect that
I'm the angel
Who is going to embrace her
I'm Jesus' father
And therefore God
Ignored by history
But not by fate
5. First Prayer
Ancient goddess, deity of forgiveness
Please, hear my prayer
Allow me to cleanse my sins
In the pure waters of your sacred river
A death in each second
A slow death in every moment
Everlasting mother!
O mighty shapestress of my soul
Save my restless spirit
From eternal damnation
My eyes I cannot close
I might die in my sleep
My god, I cannot feel...
This emptiness inside
My cruel conscience is killing me
6. Pride
I'm proud of myself. Honestly,
I don't need anyone to tell me what to do
I have eyes to see the beauty of the world
Ears to listen to the music of the spheres
Hands to greedily grab what I want
Feet to take me to my self imposed destiny
O my Lord, please tell me
Why then do I need You
To comfort me, to caress me, to care for me
To tell me what to do
In this immense, confusing world?
7. Greed
To greedily reach out my hands
To touch the bare skin of this world
To thoughtlessly consume its tender flesh
To violate its insides without mercy
To greedily breathe the fresh air
To allow it in my hungry lungs
And spit it out transformed into poison
To infect the world with my pathetic existence
That's my only reason of being
8. Sloth
I risked my soul's redemption
For I'm dying to know
Whether annihilation awaits my soul
Or into hell's fire I'll be thrown
For I prefer to die knowing
Whether my life makes sense
Rather than live in piety
Hoping that this will save me from hell
Instead of those doubts inside
I'd rather succumb to Your wrath
Instead of this mental torment
I'd rather have Your judgement
The bitter taste of conscious guilt
Has rendered my heart ice-cold
As apathy takes over now
I wish You could tell me, my Lord
Why don't You answer my prayers
Why are you so silent and cold?
Did someone kill You as they say
Or did You ignore my call?
Damned and doomed,
Trapped in your intricate path
Unable to move towards the light
And find the truth before I die
Once You were my shepherd
Now tell me what could possibly
Cure me from this lethargy?
Be the guide to my last fall,
Be the witness of my defeat
Be there with me, a silent one
Your Word do not need,
Only Your presence
As I'm laying here peacefully
And a cold breeze sweeps my face
I can finally feel the secret of my existence
And the wind drops suddenly,
And the gates show me the only way
Now everything is in place for the ultimate sin...
9. Wrath
Devoid of all happiness
Condemned to eternal solitude
Not worthy to deserve
My Almighty Father's love
I was born with a sinner's heart
Although to Your laws, I did obey
My mind and body only throve
When I was immersed in sin
Rejected by my only Lord
Dishevelled by loneliness
Alone and aimless I moan
Outside Eden's gates
Suddenly from the shadows I'll emerge
I'll sink my rusted knife in His cold heart
The bastard God Who gave me life
Shall die now from my hands
On Your grace I kneel my Father,
And I ask you for forgiveness
Forgive me that I never could
Become what You wanted me to be
All my life I strove to be one of
Your very dearest children
Until I realized that Your endless love
Was not enough to include me
10. Metanoia
How could I ever have imagined that
I would find it that hard to survive
In this cold and meaningless Universe
God's death left an immense void in my soul
I can't feel any more...
My eyes pregnant with darkness
Giving birth to a demon each single second
Broken and wingless I am
A man without destiny
I never meant to be ungrateful!
Isn't there any redemption for this sinful soul?
Someone please come and take me by the hand
I need some warmth...
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