The Provenance
Still at Arms Length
1. Climbing Ideals
In your eyes, am I so different,
am I so hard to understand?
I'm against the norm, you're indifferent,
is that a reason to hang me high?
I've lived the guilt you all gave me
and I have seen it through.
I've learned you can't exclude me
even if the norm is you.
Don't count me out, it's just your ego speaking.
Don't drag me down, I'll just climb up again.
I have lived the shame of not being
someone who fits in your world,
no more;I won't go back there!
So I can die like a part of your herd.
I've learned you can't exclude me
even if the norm is you.
I've learned you can't delude me;
my field of vision has grown wider too.
You'd better watch out cause
you've crossed the wrong path.
Stay the hell away or
I'll be sure to show you wrath.
Step out from your fantasy
and meet the real world;
it's not your usual playground
for your pitiful herd.
Now, leave me be, leave me here to make my peace.
Set me free, I'll show no fear for this release.
Can't you see, can't you see I'm dying here?
Let it bleed, I was meant to climb ideals.
Don't count me out, it's just your ego speaking.
Don't drag me down, I'll just climb up again.
2. Tearful, Bitter, Broken
So many things to say and not a soul to listen,
how can I get your attention if not with my own words?
You know, it's hard with thoughts eating away at you,
it's tough to take a stand when you're sad,
messed up and tattered, feeling misunderstood.
Swallowed pills, the taste of sweet sedation,
the road ends with this, you know it will, but
you're just glad you never had to brake.
Looking back at people, places and events
that really meant something to this pale reality,
in which you now find yourself tearful, bitter, broken,
must make you feel alone with the sorrows of man.
With empty eyes you lay there, ignored and forgotten.
The sun shines through just to burn your face.
A welcoming smile at this parody of misfortune;
what made you think that anyone deserves this hell?
I've been where you are now, that's no escape, I tell you.
You must take control, fuck the sun and resurrect!
You've made yourself a victim, a self-burned man.
The only way's to take a stand and make yourself heard!
Messed up and tattered, feeling misunderstood.
It's a common thing and you should know this;
No one will ever listen to a man of no words,
there's simply nothing there...
3. Carousel Of Descent
How you stand there so proud and beautiful
beside the black me, the sick and helpless one.
True gentle caring, natural and undemanding.
A childish wish you'll see me through the night.
I've seen them staring at me, even through the tears.
The world's descending for a foolish boy in fear.
I keep all doors shut, I endure this bitter guilt.
I know they blame me but that's one thing I can take, right!
I can take it!
I wish that every single tear I shed was felt and seen by you,
so you would understand how much you are and mean to me.
I am so weak and tired, drugged somehow and sinking,
fevered and uncared for, strangely not even self-pitied.
Thoughts spinning, swirling, carousel of misadaption,
a freak of nature on the ride of a lifetime, yes, that's me.
The more I try to fight the deeper I'm descending,
no use in trying crashing headfirst towards the ground.
It has to end somewhere, I've known it would and here it is,
this carousel, descending, had its' purpose and it was you.
How you stand there so proud and beautiful
beside the black me, the sick and helpless one.
True gentle caring, natural and undemanding.
A childish wish you'll see me through it all.
I've seen them staring at me, even through the tears.
The world's descending for a foolish boy in fear.
I keep all doors shut, I endure this bitter guilt.
I know they blame me but that's one thing I can take.
I can take it!
4. The Ardbeg Experience
(????????????)
5. Mimic
There's only so much I can take, yes, I've set limits.
Don't even think you can escape, you'll never make it!
No way I can let this slide, never when you've hurt me so bad inside,
never will I leave this be, I've had it up to here with your lies,
your schemes and deceptions, now, this will end!
Make no mistake, I've questioned you all from the start,
analysed all your moves, every last part
but what I've recently seen doesn't measure up
to the standards set up by me.
So hear me out, you are all mimics
you might not know it but yes, you are.
Mimic, will you turn when I turn, bend when I bend,
brake when I brake, will you follow me?
One twists, bends and turns
and blinded the others just follow.
Mimic, will you trip when I trip, fall as I fall,
crack when I crack, follow as I lay dead?
Have I opened some doors yet, in your minds?
Have I opened them wide enough?
Some may slam them in my face, I really don't care,
just as long as one of you don't, I'll be satisfied...
6. At Random Choose
Both on the ground, he's forcing her
his kisses hurt like nothing else
He doesn't care at all pressing himself
against her, wanting more at all costs.
-Crown me your God and I'll make it worthwhile,
give me a face that you can stand.
Let me feel alive for once in my life,
help me see and make believe I am...
Her clothes all ripped and torn to pieces.
The shock invades her, he's in...
The weight of his body, a forceful lock,
the wish of being dead, her mind's blocked.
Take your pick at random choose,
her sorrows all weigh even, just hope you'll never see them.
-Let us breed misery, here I come, open wide,
I will feed on you, my maker!
You cum as I please, constantly or never,
I'm not through with you yet, my maker!
-I left her bleeding on the ground, now she's cleaning herself,
washing the memories free from her bloodstained orgasm of pain.
Well, you can take your pick at random choose
cause her sorrows all weigh even,
and tears will cascade at every choice, just hope you'll never see them...
7. World Of Hurt
Her kisses burn across my face, I know she's wrong for me.
I cannot hold back and lack of passion feeds the blind.
Her soft skin and craving eyes, I know I'm not supposed to,
then comes the rush that closes my eyes and we kiss away.
She leaves her mark somewhere inside, not very deep, but still.
She says;I'm only doing this for me, and I know what she means.
It could have been with anyone, it wouldn't have mattered at all.
I felt nothing, neither did she, we only kissed to feed the blind.
So brief and meaningless was the passion that we shared.
So fine and innocent, a single word would have torn it all apart.
I've tried to picture me, my life and what I've never had,
please don't reject me even if the picture turns out sad.
This is my life and I have lived through ups and downs.
I know I'm not a wise man but I'm neither a clown.
And for the first time in my life I really can't tell good from bad.
I hear what you say but I will cherish the brief moments we had.
Is it a world of hurt where people meet to feed the blind,
close the doors for all mankind if only for the briefest time?
Forget and give yourself away, whatever can I say.
Is this a world of hurt with people crawling through the dirt?
For the first time in my life I really don't know so help me out,
I know that I'm blind so please feed me, I need it so badly.
8. At Arms Length
The tears, the crying, this world is dying,
and all I can picture is black.
The lack, the sorrow, denuding the morrow,
somehow it always comes back.
The distance, I'm further away from you now,
drifting apart from my world.
This venture I've started, rejecting it all,
I'll never let go of my word.
Clinging to fragments, pieces and segments,
never have I been alone.
You've always been there, feeding my strength,
always been there, at arms length,
always been there, feeding my strength...
What I've become, the person I am,
stands taller than most of you all,
the goals I set out to achieve in this world,
I've faced them now, both big and small.
The tears, the crying, please stop your lying,
and skip all your empty promises.
The lack, the sorrow, denuding our morrow,
but somehow, it cannot get darker than this.
The world, still at arms length...
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